Have you met Karli? Her mom struggles with substance abuse, and she is in foster care. Karli is not a real child…she’s a six-year-old Muppet with yellow pigtails made of ostrich feathers. The creators of Sesame Street introduced her on the show last month. They did it because more than 400,000 children are in foster care in this country, and it is estimated that nearly 80% of those cases involve substance abuse.

Parents may also wonder how to react when kids start voicing their preferences regarding birth parent contact. Letting a young child call the shots in an open adoption is probably a bad idea. (After all, small children don’t get to decide when to visit grandparents or other relatives.) But a child of 12 may be ready to make some decisions about whether or when to meet with birth parents. “The older a child gets, the larger the role they should have,” Grotevant advised.


Parents may also wonder how to react when kids start voicing their preferences regarding birth parent contact. Letting a young child call the shots in an open adoption is probably a bad idea. (After all, small children don’t get to decide when to visit grandparents or other relatives.) But a child of 12 may be ready to make some decisions about whether or when to meet with birth parents. “The older a child gets, the larger the role they should have,” Grotevant advised.
In all adoption searches, it is uncommon to find both the birth mother and father at the same time. A separate search, if desired, can be done afterwards for the father. Since males seldom change their surnames, and the mother might have additional information, it is usually easier than the initial search for the birth mother. In many cases, adoptees are able to do this second search for their birth father by themselves (or they try before paying for assistance).
The pros and cons of open adoption have been endlessly debated by social workers and attorneys. It appears that those who support open adoptions are completely committed to them; those who believe in confidential adoptions seem equally convinced that open adoptions are catastrophic. Adopters need to deal with an adoption arranger that they feel comfortable with. The following table presents some classic differences between the two styles of adoption.
Oftentimes the birth and adoptive parents will sign a Post-Adoption Contract (sometimes called an Open Adoption Agreement), putting in writing any promises regarding contact after the adoption is finalized. Even in those states which do not expressly have laws in this area, these agreements can usually be prepared if the parties desire to formalize the agreement. In an increasing number of US states, courts will find these agreements legally enforceable, as long as they serve the best interests of the child. It is not unusual for these agreements to be more like "handshake" agreements, although they offer less protection to a birth parent if the adoptive parent's promises were not honored.[22]
Adoptive parents may be less likely to consider the possibility that they are doing something wrong, and blame the child's heredity. The parents may even unfavorably compare their adopted child with a near-perfect, genetically-related "fantasy" child. This enables them to blame ordinary problems which all parents face on their child's supposedly "defective" genes. Thus, while non-adoptive parents are focused on nurture, some adoptive parents are solely focused on nature (i.e. heredity) instead. This results in what could have been an easily resolved problem, going unresolved in families with adopted children, possibly accompanied by child abuse.[5]

Alabama Adoption Alaska Adoption Arizona Adoption Arkansas Adoption California Adoption Colorado Adoption Connecticut Adoption Delaware Adoption District Of Columbia Adoption Florida Adoption Georgia Adoption Hawaii Adoption Idaho Adoption Illinois Adoption Indiana Adoption Iowa Adoption Kansas Adoption Kentucky Adoption Louisiana Adoption Maine Adoption Maryland Adoption Massachusetts Adoption Michigan Adoption Minnesota Adoption Mississippi Adoption Missouri Adoption Montana Adoption Nebraska Adoption Nevada Adoption New Hampshire Adoption New Jersey Adoption New Mexico Adoption New York Adoption North Carolina Adoption North Dakota Adoption Ohio Adoption Oklahoma Adoption Oregon Adoption Pennsylvania Adoption Rhode Island Adoption South Carolina Adoption South Dakota Adoption Tennessee Adoption Texas Adoption Utah Adoption Vermont Adoption Virginia Adoption Washington Adoption West Virginia Adoption Wisconsin Adoption Wyoming Adoption

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Occasionally birth parents experiencing shame or sadness just have to retreat for a while. In rare cases, when safety is an issue, adoptive families may have to cut off contact. A child whose biological parent disappears experiences a double whammy. He wonders why he was placed to begin with, then feels rejected again because a birth mother no longer visits.
When adoptions are closed, the files are usually physically sealed. Nevertheless, most states have created procedures through which family members seeking to "open" a closed adoption may be able to access information about the other parties. However, the process and degree of access to information varies widely from state to state, with some states requiring a court order to reveal information that can be used to identify a party to an adoption.
The empty mailbox is just one example of the challenges that families in open adoptions may face. In recent years, we have embraced the concept of open adoption with gusto — yet the journey, for some, has proved to be unexpectedly bumpy. Lack of support, a sudden change in the life of either the adoptive or biological family, logistical pressures — all can complicate matters. Add to that the emotionally charged issues at stake-parenthood, power, identity — and open adoption can make for some combustible family dynamics.
So when I have people come to me, terrified of what open adoption is, my first reaction is to just tell them to suck it up. It’s best for the child and it is an honor to invite these people into our lives–after all, they are putting their trust in us to raise their child! But, I have to remind myself, they haven’t traveled the adoption road as long as I have.  They are new to this.  They haven’t had the education and the time to learn.  They are afraid and have all these external sources telling them that open adoption should be feared.  So I just have to tell our story.  A story of love, kindness, trust, heartache, and understanding.  I explain to them why open adoption is thought to be the healthier way to raise their future child.  I point them in the direction to resources to help them come to the decision on their own.
Children come into foster care through no fault of their own.  They come into care because their parents are not able to safely care for them, not because of something they have done.  When a child first comes into foster care, the goal — or case plan — is typically to reunify the child with their parent once it is safe to do so.  But sometimes parents are not able to provide a safe environment for their children.  As a result, the Court determines it would be better for the child to find an adoptive home. 
Likely the most common arrangement in open adoptions is for the adoptive parents to commit to sending the birth mother photos of the child (and themselves as a family) each year, and short written updates, until the child reaches the age of 18.[19] Often these photos and updates will be sent more than just once a year, such as the child's birthday or other significant events. Sometimes an intermediary is selected to receive and forward the updates, and sometimes it is done directly. This can be through mail or email. Some adoptions are more open than just sending photos and updates and include face-to-face contact. The amount of contact can vary greatly from just once in the first year, to multiple times annually throughout the child's life.[13][20] Some of the adoptees raised in open adoption are now in adulthood and are writing about the experience of growing up in an open adoption.[21]

Grotevant, however, sounded a note of caution to those who portray it as a panacea. The children of open adoption do not have higher self-esteem than those in closed adoptions, he observed. For children in each group, self-esteem is about the same, his research found. He stressed that more research is needed to assess the impact of open adoption on adolescents. (The research he did with McRoy studies children up to age 12.)
Over the past few decades, we’ve found that the majority of prospective birth mothers are looking for an adoptive family they can have a personal relationship with before, during and after the adoption process is complete. Therefore, we require our prospective adoptive families to be open to the kind of communication most of these birth mothers are looking for, including:
Adoptive parents may be less likely to consider the possibility that they are doing something wrong, and blame the child's heredity. The parents may even unfavorably compare their adopted child with a near-perfect, genetically-related "fantasy" child. This enables them to blame ordinary problems which all parents face on their child's supposedly "defective" genes. Thus, while non-adoptive parents are focused on nurture, some adoptive parents are solely focused on nature (i.e. heredity) instead. This results in what could have been an easily resolved problem, going unresolved in families with adopted children, possibly accompanied by child abuse.[5]
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