You may be ready, but is everyone else on board? Just because you are mentally and emotionally prepared to adopt doesn’t mean your spouse feels the same way. If you’re married, now would be a great time to sit down and have a little chat about your relationship, adoption, kids, and your shared willingness to throw everything as you know it into the big blender known as parenthood. If you’re already a parent, consider how adoption will impact your biological child(ren). Ultimately, this decision will be yours and not theirs, but that doesn’t mean they won’t have feelings on the matter.
A: Selecting an adoption agency requires patience and perseverance. It's important that prospective parents do their homework. This may start with an internet search. Parents should look for an experienced agency and make sure the agency's values align with their own. Agencies should be willing to share references. Talk to friends and colleagues about their experiences, as well.
Regardless of which type of adoption agency you work with, there will be adoption agency fees to cover the services provided by these professionals and the basic operating costs of the agency. A key point to pay attention to is whether or not these fees are “fixed,” meaning they will not increase over the course of an adoption. Some agencies will give a low number upfront to entice families to work with them, but then ramp up fees later in the process. Working with an adoption agency whose fees are fixed from the beginning will prevent these unexpected and unwelcome costs.
If you're looking to adopt, you'll have to pay an attorney, an agency, or both. The transfer of a human into your custody is a big deal with lots of paperwork, and you need a professional. Their average costs, according to Adoptive Families, are within spitting distance of each other: about $13,000 for attorney fees, and $17,000 for an agency (though these numbers change drastically depending on your state, agency/attorney, and situation). You also very well might be working with both an attorney and an agency concurrently, which means you'd pay both.
Bring others on your journey! Social media is a very powerful outlet for people to raise funds. You need to be active in your adoption journey and social media is a great way to remain active and create community. As you post, you must have realistic expectations. Share everyday – In general, maybe 20% of your friends will see your posts, so don’t get upset if you don’t receive a lot of interaction. Be honest about what you are using the funds for and make a breakdown of what all the fees were used for. I shared every step of our journey on social media for all to see. I kept everyone updated with details about the process. Each time I paid a fee, I posted a photo of the check amount and what it was going toward. I had so many people thank me for my honesty and openness. They felt more inclined to give and and many donated multiple times because they knew exactly what I was using the funds for. I was very careful about what our family spent money on. It is important to sacrifice and save, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ever go out for an ice cream. You just don’t need to post that on social media. Also, one thing that worked for me may not work for you. Research and find ideas that other families have done, and choose the ones that feel like a good fit for you and your network. Ask for help from friends and family, but don’t expect it or assume everyone will want to be involved.
Secondly, adoption requires a lot of legal hoops, and for good reason. A lot of what you’re paying for is the peace of mind that the child you adopt is now fully and legally yours. If you don’t follow all the proper legal procedures, if the birth mother isn’t fully aware of her rights, if she doesn’t sign the right documents or isn’t told the right thing at the right time, if you haven’t dotted all the i’s and crossed all the t’s than the new child you adopted could be taken away. A judge could declare the adoption null and void and you lose. How much would that suck?