Occasionally birth parents experiencing shame or sadness just have to retreat for a while. In rare cases, when safety is an issue, adoptive families may have to cut off contact. A child whose biological parent disappears experiences a double whammy. He wonders why he was placed to begin with, then feels rejected again because a birth mother no longer visits.
Placing a Child for Adoption by Age - ArticlesPutting a Child Up for Adoption At Any AgeCan You Place a 1-Month-Old Up for Adoption? Can I Place My 2-Month-Old Up for Adoption?Can You Place a Child for Adoption at 3 Months? How to Place a 4-Month-Old Up for AdoptionHow to Place a 5-Month-Old for AdoptionCan I Place My 6-Month-Old Up for Adoption?Can I Place My Child for Adoption at 7 Months?Can I Place My 8-Month-Old Up for Adoption?Can I Place My Baby for Adoption at 9 Months Old?More . . .
After taking adoption training courses, reading books, talking to fellow adoptive parents, and listening to the stories of birth parents and people who themselves were adopted, I decided that open adoption wasn’t nearly as  bad as I was making it out to be.  It could be beautiful. It would give my son the missing link that people in closed adoptions never had access to.  It would open our world and grow our family.
Historically, the four primary reasons for married couples to obtain a child via closed adoption have been (in no particular order) infertility, asexuality, having concern for a child's welfare (i.e. would not likely be adopted by others), and to ensure the sex of the child (a family with five girls and no boys, for example). In 1917, Minnesota was the first U.S. state to pass an adoption confidentiality and sealed records law.[1] Within the next few decades, most United States states and Canadian provinces had a similar law. Usually, the reason for sealing records and carrying out closed adoptions is said to be to "protect" the adoptee and adoptive parents from disruption by the natural parents and in turn, to allow natural parents to make a new life.
On June 1, 2009, Ontario, Canada, opened its sealed records to adoptees and their birth parents, with a minimum age of 18 for the adoptee, or one additional year if the birth parents initiate the request. Both parties can protect their privacy by giving notice of how to be either contacted or not, and if the latter, with identifying information being released or not. All adoptions subsequent to September 1, 2008, will be "open adoptions"[4]
Photolistings like the Children’s Heart Gallery and AdoptUSKids are very effective tools for finding families for waiting children. Unfortunately, they can also makes the children vulnerable to negative intrusions into their lives. Please help us protect them. If you recognize any of these children or see them in your community, we ask that you respect their privacy.
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When I first started out in my adoption journey, I automatically assumed I would want a closed adoption.  Not only is that what I knew from a historical standpoint, but I also feared the unknown.  When I started learning that the adoption agencies encouraged open adoption, I remember thinking, “Well I guess we could check the box for semi-open.” I was hesitant and afraid.  I heard horror stories of mothers changing their mind.  I had people in my ear asking questions like “aren’t you afraid she’ll want him back?” I wondered if open adoption would mean co-parenting. I feared that I would have to “share” this child that I waited so long for.
“It removes the mystery, but it doesn’t remove the grief,” said Claude Riedel, a psychologist and family therapist who co-directs the Adoptive Family Counseling Center in Minnesota. “The reality is that, at certain stages, it’s normal to have questions: why did you choose not to parent me, not to keep me? And there may be complexities: have you kept your other children, but not me?”
Adoptive parents may be less likely to consider the possibility that they are doing something wrong, and blame the child's heredity. The parents may even unfavorably compare their adopted child with a near-perfect, genetically-related "fantasy" child. This enables them to blame ordinary problems which all parents face on their child's supposedly "defective" genes. Thus, while non-adoptive parents are focused on nurture, some adoptive parents are solely focused on nature (i.e. heredity) instead. This results in what could have been an easily resolved problem, going unresolved in families with adopted children, possibly accompanied by child abuse.[5]
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